A friend sent this to me by email. I laughed out loud. I had heard many of these since I am from the south. I am not from the deep south but south. Ozarks. I also know people who think like this. For crying out loud, sometimes I think like this. I hope "y'all" enjoy this.
"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."
"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
"Have a cup of coffee--it's already been 'saucered and blowed.'"
"She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm."
"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
"My cow died last night, so I don't need your bull."
"He's as country as cornflakes."
"This is gooder'n grits."
"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy
"I'm 'bout as........"
"Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs."
"Busy as a moth in a mitten."
"Happy as a clam at high tide."
Notice to Northerners moving to the South:
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed on how to use it
Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Southerners
can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a
four-wheel pick-up with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be
along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their
way. This is what they live for.
You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already know the
positions of key hills, trees and rocks in the area, you're better off
trying to find it yourself.
Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural
Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you
The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's
vocabulary is the adjective "big ol", as in "big ol truck", or "big ol boy".
"Fixin'" (as in "I'm fixin' to go to the store") is 2nd, and "Y'all" is 3rd.
As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone directly in
the middle of the road, remember: ALL Southern folks learned to drive on a
John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!", get out of his
way. These are likely the last words he will ever say, or worse still, that
you will ever hear.
Most Southerners do not use turn signals; they ignore those who do. In fact
if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license plate, you may
rest assured that it was already turned on when the car was purchased.
If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most
minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local
grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store. It is
just something you're supposed to do.
Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one, it is
positioned directly in front of the house. This is logical, bearing in mind
that the dish cost considerably more than the house and should, therefore,
One last warning but probably the most important one to remember: Be
advised that in the South, "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
A few other folks gave me a few other sayings they were used to hearing all of the time.
When asked how you are, an answer could be “Finer then frogs hair split three ways.”
He's dumber than a sack 'o deer horns.
There is no need to ask for a breakfast menu. You will be having scratch biscuits and gravy, the waitress will ask if you want bacon or pork sausage with that (a true Southerner orders both.)
Deer season is a recognized holiday in these parts. The schools will be closed, along with the bank and most likely the post office.
Don't look shocked when you find out the Homecoming queen is also the president of the Vocational / technical club and an officer in the FFA, this is normal and encouraged. (As a side note, don't make fun of her for any of this. She's been throwing hay since she was 8 and hunting deer since she could walk. You will lose this fight.)
If you want to get along with the local sports fans, start watching NASCAR and following college sports.
Always ask a Southern woman before you kiss her, that way she can take the chew out of her mouth.
The local mechanic cannot fix your imported car, get used to it.
Your SUV is not a truck and certainly not a 4x4. Do not refer to it as one and do not make us invite you offroading so as to prove you wrong.
I have a friend who when she wants to tell me to reach over and take a hold of something, says, “Retch over and take aholt of that.”