Laughing Through It All

Jokes and Fun Facts

How do these people survive?
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These are true stories, which makes them even more fun.

One

 

Recently, when I went to McDonald’s I saw on the menu tht you could have an order of 6, 9, or 12 Chicken McNuggets.

I asked for half a dozen nuggets.

“We don’t’ have half dozen nuggets,” sid the teenager at the counter.

“You don’t?” I replied.

“We only have six, nine, or twelve,” was the reply.

“So I can’t order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?”

“That’s right.”

So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

 

Two

 

I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those dividers that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn’t get mixed.

 

After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the divider, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.

 

Not finding the bar code, she said to me,” Do you know how much this is?”

I said to her, “I’ve changed my mind; I don’t think I want it.”

She said, “Ok.”

I paid he for the things nd left.

She had no clue what hd just happened.

 

Three

 

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.

“Do you need some help,” I asked.

She replied, “I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can’t get into my car. Do yo think they,’ pointing to a distant convenience store, “would have a battery to fit this?”

Hmmmm, I don’t’ know. Do you have an alarm, too?” I asked.

No, just this remote thingy,” she answered handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, “Why don’t you drive over there and check about the batteries. It’s a long walk.”

 

Four

 

A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Bendaryl and she should be fine. The mother says, “I just gave him some ant killer.”

Dispatcher: “Rush him in to the hospital.”

 

 

 

 



April
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Marcia Masters

 

It's lemonade; it's lemonade, its daisy,
It's a roller-skating scissor-grinding day;
It's gingham-waisted, chocolate flavored, lazy,
With the children flower-scattered at their play.

It's the sun like watermelon,
And the sidewalks overlaid
With a glaze of yellow yellow
Like a jar of marmalade.

It's the mower gently mowing,
And the stars, like startled glass,
While the mower keeps on going
Through a waterfall of grass.

Then the rich magenta evening
Like a sauce upon the walk.
And the porches softly swinging
With a hammockful of talk.

It's the hobo at the corner
With his lilac-sniffing gait
And the shy departing gait,
And the shy departing thunder
Of the fast departing skate.

It's lemonade, it's lemonade, it's April!
A water sprinkler, puddle winking time,
When a boy who peddles slowly, with a smile remote and holy,
Sells you April chocolate flavored for a dime.


Here's some coffee trivia to start your day.....
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Advertisements for coffee in London in 1657 claimed that the beverage was a cure for scurvy, gout and other ills.

In Italy, espresso is considered so essential to daily life that the price is regulated by the government.

In the 16th century, Turkish women could divorce their
husbands if the man failed to keep his family's pot filled with coffee.

Large doses of coffee can be lethal. Ten grams, or 100 cups over 4 hours, can kill the average human.

Milk as an additive to coffee became popular in the 1680's, when a French physician recommended that cafe au lait be used for medicinal purposes.

Raw coffee beans, soaked in water and spices, are chewed like candy in many parts of Africa.

The average cup of coffee contains more than 1000 different chemical components, none of which is tasted in isolation but only as part of the overall flavor.

Until the 18th century coffee was almost always boiled.

When a coffee seed is planted, it takes five years to yield consumable fruit.

Christmas hats and scarves.
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A friend of mine has introduced me to the kniffty knitters. We were trying to figure out how to make those fashionable scarves using the new fun yarn. It isn’t easy to work with fun fir and eyelash yarn and the boa yarn. She found the kniffty knitter and showed me. We have been going to town ever since. I started afghans for Christmas last January. I did five. Yes, five. I did that by setting a schedule. I decided that I had so many weeks per afghan. That meant that I had to do so many inches or so many squares a day leaving time to finish each afghan whether that meant just the border or putting the squares together and then adding the boarder. I did it. I even had time to do six of those scarves with the kniffty knitter. They were great fun. Then I got carried away. I made one of those fancy scarves for every single niece I have and a hat for every nephew. The scarves take me two days to do. My friend can rip them out in a day. The hats are different story. Two hours at the most. I whipped hats out for everyone I know. Cute. My goodness those things are cute. I made camouflage hats for the little nephews, those small enough to still love playing army and hunting. I made hats to match jackets of the older nephews. Even though my brothers and father are getting their own camouflage hats. I made a hat for my grandmother who loves soft hats. They are lovely. The real problem is that I still have yarn and time and empty Christmas bags. Everyone I know will have warm ears the rest of this winter.
Yesterday, I watched Christmas movies as I made about ten dozen cookies and three hats. It was a great day. My floor still needs to be vacuumed but I have hats for three more people. Priorities. Got to have priorities.

Best-known meteor shower peaks Aug. 12
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Skywatchers can take advantage of this year's favorable lunar conditions
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/8840249/

In 2005, the Perseids are expected to reach their maximum on Aug. 12. Peak activity is unfortunately predicted for the daylight hours across North America. Skywatchers are thus encouraged to watch during the predawn hours of Friday, Aug. 12 and again during the early morning hours of Saturday.
Observers will be favored by an absence of bright moonlight during these intervals. At midnorthern latitudes, moonset occurs on the evening of Aug. 11 at around 11-p.m. local daylight time and around 11:20 p.m. the following night. Since dawn doesn’t break until around 4:30 a.m., that means there will be about 5 to 5½ hours of dark, moonless skies for the two best viewing nights for the Perseids.
This summer's Perseid shower to be exceptional
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/8912982/

For as long as records exist, the Perseid meteor showers have always been strong. This summer's Perseid shower will be exceptional. The moon is mostly out of the way later in the night, and higher-than-normal activity rates are expected over the United States.

Math
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Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this?

Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:

Teaching Math In 1950

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1960

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1970

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is$80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math In 1990

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and

squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.)


Teaching Math In 2005
Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80

Standing in the Rainbow by Fannie Flagg.
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I am reading Standing in the Rainbow by Fannie Flagg. My mother insisted that I read it. She said she laughed and laughed as she read it. I am enjoying it very much. I do laugh. It is just a fun read. It isn't a serious commentary on life or anything. Frankly sometimes we need a break form books that make serious commentaries on life. This is just a fun pool book. Enjoy.

Radio's War of the Worlds Broadcast (1938)
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Since the latest version for the War of the Worlds is coming out today, I thought it would be fun to remember the Orson Well's radio show of Oct 29, 1938.
http://members.aol.com/jeff1070/wotw.html
Several articles from Oct 31, 1938 on this site. YOu may find it to be interesting.



Radio Listeners in Panic, Taking War Drama as Fact
Many Flee Homes to Escape 'Gas Raid From Mars'--Phone Calls Swamp Police at Broadcast of Wells Fantasy
This article appeared in the New York Times on Oct. 31, 1938.
A wave of mass hysteria seized thousands of radio listeners between 8:15 and 9:30 o'clock last night when a broadcast of a dramatization of H. G. Wells's fantasy, "The War of the Worlds," led thousands to believe that an interplanetary conflict had started with invading Martians spreading wide death and destruction in New Jersey and New York.

The broadcast, which disrupted households, interrupted religious services, created traffic jams and clogged communications systems, was made by Orson Welles, who as the radio character, "The Shadow," used to give "the creeps" to countless child listeners. This time at least a score of adults required medical treatment for shock and hysteria.

In Newark, in a single block at Heddon Terrace and Hawthorne Avenue, more than twenty families rushed out of their houses with wet handkerchiefs and towels over their faces to flee from what they believed was to be a gas raid. Some began moving household furniture.

Single Black Female Seeks Male Companionship
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This is undoubtedly one of the best singles ads ever printed. It appeared in The Atlanta Journal.


SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship,
ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES
to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck,
hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by
the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your
hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the
front door when you get home from work, wearing only what
nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours.
Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy.

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta
Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever.
Source: "Single Black Female Seeks Male Companionship" by Carol Rude http://www.chronwatch.com/content/contentDisplay.asp?aid=6467

Eighth Grade Final Exam in 1895
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Remember when our grandparents, great-grandparents, and such stated that
they only had an 8th grade education? Well check this out. Could any of us
have passed the 8th grade in 1895?

This is the eighth grade final exam from 1895 in Salina, Kansas USA.
It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley
Genealogical Society and Library in Salina, Kansas and reprinted by the
Salina Journal.

8th Grade Final Exam:

Salina, KS - 1895
GRAMMAR (Time, one hour)
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Well, did you pass?

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